Can I let you in on a secret? Come closer. Women, especially Black women, no longer want the title “Superwoman”. Speaking as a Black woman, wife, mom of two young boys, and a school social worker for a suburban high school, I’m tired. “You are so strong.” I typically hear this response after I have shared with someone close something that is stressful, heavy, or hard. The sentiment is said as a compliment, an admirable characteristic, something that is inspiring. However, in those moments all I feel is invisible. Unseen. Alone. Black women are not superheroes made of steel, or possess super human strength. Black women are tired. Black women are in need of support.
Sis, I am here to tell you to put the cape down. Not only is this expectation of being a “Superwoman” false, it is not sustainable. While there is a certain level of strength that is required in this world, to only be allowed to show strength is harmful. It is not healthy and will put you in an early grave.
An info-graphic put out by Therapy for Black Girls titled “Signs of the Superwoman Syndrome” lists five examples of how to know if this is what you may be experiencing. 1. Cannot be dependent on help from others. Will not be vulnerable. 2. Obligation to present an image of strength always. 3. Obligation to suppress emotions. 4. Motivated to succeed against all odd. 5. Has a responsibility to put others before herself. Sis, being a “Superwoman” does not serve you. Put the cape down!
Sis, there is good news though. We can change the narrative. We can create a new identity for ourselves. We can teach others how we want to be treated. We can set boundaries. We can ask for help and refuse to feel bad about that. When you are told how “strong” you are, tell the truth. “I feel overwhelmed.” “I need more help.” “I cannot sustain this.” When we do not correct, we are complicit and feed into this toxic caricature of Black womanhood. Black women want to be saved. Black women want protection. Black women want empathy. Black women do NOT want to be in charge of everything, handle everything, be responsible to fix everything.
Sis, reject the cape. Embrace the fullness of your emotions. Get in tune with how you really feel. Find ways to be vulnerable and admit that you do not have it all together. Speak your truth. Find an outlet to care for yourself. Every aspect of you deserves to be nourished so you can thrive, and not just survive. Meditate. Pray. Rest. Find a good therapist. Eat food that will fuel you. Drink water. Pause before automatically committing to something. Ask yourself “does this feel good?” “is this serving me?” “can someone else do it?” “can this wait?”.
I leave you with a post I read a while ago that still rings true for me. It said:
The healer also needs healing. The planner also needs surprises. The giver also needs to receive. The thoughtful also need to be thought of. The considerate also need to be considered.
Sis, please put the cape down.
In love and sisterhood